New York – The Girl Who Whispered

Author Interview – Noir Hayes

Hello, my little demons! 😈

Here’s the third installment of Author Interviews, and I had the privilege of speaking to Noir Hayes.

This was another one I had good fun with, and upon reading her answers, it’s amazing how much we have in common (minus the ballet bit!)

Razor Blades

Of course, first I wanted to quickly speak about her book “Razor Blades”. It sounds really interesting; dark and gritty gangs set in New York. What’s not to love?

Here’s the synopsis:

Enter into the minds of the most dangerous gangs in the city. Razor, the gang’s leader, is known for his brutal, cut-throat methods, and cold eyes. His arrogance, getting to the better of him, prevents him from noticing some of his member’s evil intentions. Every man in the gang has their role, and it’s up to you to determine who is genuinely Razor’s right-hand man.

You can find it for sal e here

Within Cessation (Out October 2020!)

And, of course, can’t leave without talking about her next book which is out next month; Within Cessation.

In case you can’t see the image, for what ever reason, this is what it reads:

“Tatum Hyland is a man obsessed with reinventing himself. Determined to cast off his reputation as a washed up former romance novelist, he challenges himself to write something completely different – an apocalyptic survival story. But as the world arround him spirals into chaos, Tatum must learn to differentiate between reality and fiction, choosing between his own survival and that of his work.”

Interview with Noir

Now let’s get into the interview… I bet you’re all excited to read this, as much as I was!

What got you into writing?

I’ve always been super anxious and quiet, even as a kid. A lot of times, I used writing as an escape. In my mind, I figured, if I couldn’t say certain things or open up about my experiences, I would just write and create character that could do the things I was unable to. I also loved the idea of having no real rules. In math or in science, it’s either wrong or it’s right. In writing, I make the rules and I have always loved the freedom that came with that.

What’s your writing Kryptonite?

I care too much about what people might think. Sometimes I hold myself back and think, “No, I can’t write that. What will they think? Will they think I’m this super violent person? Will they think differently of me?” A lot of it is mental, and I’m always trying to work through it.

What comes first, the plot or characters?

It’s always been the characters for me. I have always found enjoyment out of building a character from the ground up. I let them tell me what they like, don’t like, what their fears are, and what their story will be. I let them create the plot for themselves – I am merely the person that writes it all down for them.

Do you want to be more original or write that the reader’s want?

Original, always. I once stumbled across Billie Eilish’s Vanity Fair interview and in it, she said: “If everyone dropped dead right now and I didn’t, I would be left with what I had created for myself. And what the hell would the point be if I was just creating something that somebody else wanted me to create that I had no say in? And that person died, and everybody else died, and nobody else matters but me? I’m stuck with this stuff I didn’t want in the first place and that’s trash.” And that has always stuck with me. I create what I want. It will reach the people it is meant to reach, and those who are meant to love it will love it.

If you could tell your younger self anything, what would it be?

Don’t create with the intention of being the next Hunger Games or Divergent. Write what you want to write and do it unapologetically. It doesn’t need to be cookie cutter. Those who are your true fans will never judge your writing material – so just write what you want.

What’s your favourite under-appreciated novel?

I really, really loved I Have No Secrets by Penny Joelson. It is a book about a fourteen-year-old that has cerebral palsy, so she can’t speak or move. Whenever her caretaker’s abusive boyfriend admits he murdered someone and tells the narrator because he knows she literally can’t tell anyone, it creates this amazing and thrilling story. I have hardly seen anyone talk about it and it surprisingly doesn’t have too many reviews on Amazon.

Do you hide secrets in your books that only a few people will find?

Yes, of course! I sometimes hide song lyrics that inspired my writing in character dialogue. In “Razor Blades” one of my characters gives out a series of codes, and some of them are my parents and sibling’s birthdays. There are too many hidden secrets to count!

What was the inspiration for your book, “Razor Blades”?

It’s actually an interesting story, haha. Back in my younger years, I did a ton of online roleplaying. Two of my characters, Razor and Brett, were originally characters I just roleplayed with. Both Brett and Razor were inspired by songs off of this industrial metal band’s (their name is Combichrist, I definitely recommend looking them up) album entitled We Love You. So, Brett and Razor have been with me since the beginning. Things really got rolloing whenever I visited New York last summer with my dad. From there, I said screw it, dropped Razor and Brett in New York, and let them tell the stories themselves.

What do you hope readers take away from this book?

Razor Blades is really violent and gritty. That being said, I want readers to see that even in the darkest of corners, you can find stories of love and hope. I want them to meet a character like Razor, someone who is bad through and through, and see his development and see the way he changes, the way that he has different sides for those he truly cares for.

How many unpublished or half-finished books do you have?

Well, next month my second book entitled Within Cessation comes out, which is exciting! As for unpublished books, though, I’ve been holding onto a Young Adult Dystopian novel that I wrote way back in high school. I plan on taking it, revamping it, and publishing it by next year. Half-finished books and ideas, I have anywhere between five to ten rolling around, even if it’s one paragraph in a google document somehwere, haha.

Who is your favourite author, and why?

Chuck Palhniuk’s Snuff helped me write Razor Blades, as I loved the way he changed multiple POVs (point of views) so well. From there, I just started reading and falling in love with a lot of his work. More on the cliché side, though, I’ve always been inspired by big names like Stephen King. In fourth grade, I was already reading Pet Semetary and The Shining, and it was King that helped me realize that writing was what I wanted to do – that I wanted to big like him.

Do you prefer to read the book first, or watch the movie first?

Good question and when it comes down to it, I’m not sure if I have a preference! I think there’s something so magical about reading and falling in love with a book and seeing it on the big screen. To have your favorite moments comes to life and to have them pulled together with music, the looks certain actors and actresses can pull of, ugh, it’s so magical! There are also some movies out there that are better than the books… a controversial opinion, I’m sure haha.

What are your thoughts on audiobooks?

I appreciate audiobooks so much! I commute to school and work three to four jobs (when we aren’t in the middle of a pandemic) and last semester, I was driving five-hundred miles per week. I really dove headfirst into having an arsenal of audiobooks to keep me entertained during my long drives. Sometimes holding a physical book just isn’t possible, and I think having an audiobook is a great option if that’s the case. Especially if you spend more time in your car than in your house, like I do.

Was writing your dream job as a child, or was it something else?

Always deep down, yes. I was writing horror stories and giving them to my mom to give to her friends at work as a kid. Every single experience I had I made into a story. As I got older, unfortunately, I somehow convinced myself that I could never make a living out of writing. So, I wound up going to school for something else I’m interested in. I’ve said since the beginning, though, if I could wave a magic wand and have whatever I wanted – to write all day every day as an occupation would be my dream.

What do you like to do when you’re not writing?

I’m a jack of all trades, honestly, haha. I am a full-time student in my senior year of a Criminal Justice program. When I’m not in school, I’m probably in the dance studio teaching ballet (yes, I was a bunhead for the majority of my life). Outside of all that, though, I am a huge nerd – I love to play video games and watch all kinds of movies. I also have a pretty impressive Funko pop collection.

Thanks, Noir Hayes! It was a pleasure.

Please do check out her out, here’s the link to her twitter page.

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Don’t forget to like, reblog, share, comment and/or follow! 😊

thegirlwhowhispered.com

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Why “The Girl Who Whispered”?

Hello, my little demons! 😈

I don’t get many questions about why the name “The Girl Who Whispered”, but I have had a few comments that have been made in poor taste, so I want to just explain where the name comes from, why I use it and why some of these jokes are in bad taste.

Short answer: I had selective mutism as a child.

Selective mutism is defined as “a complex childhood anxiety disorder characterized by a child’s inability to speak and communicate effectively in select social settings, such as school. These children are able to speak and communicate in settings where they are comfortable, secure and relaxed.” – Referenced from https://selectivemutismcenter.org/whatisselectivemutism/

I had no idea there was even a defined term for this until only a few years ago!

Long answer:

When I was a young child, I was bullied. I had red hair and freckles and I was quite reserved and quiet. There are a lot of other complex situations that made me the way I am, and I don’t personally have all the answers, nor do I feel completely comfortable explaining them.

But I will explain that I think it started after a particular issue in Primary School. I remember it quite well, considering I was probably only about 5 at the time. I remember being in a classroom with a load of other children, we were all playing, having a down time or something. There was a particular child, a boy, who decided to rearrange the tables and chairs, but he was deliberately trying to trap me in them, deliberately singling me out. It was at this time that the teacher called us all over, but this boy kept moving the tables and chairs so I couldn’t get out. I think I was the one who got told off for not listening to the teacher, but she failed to notice I wasn’t ignoring her, I was being trapped by this bully.

Somewhere in my little brain I decided enough was enough, after all the years of adults not listening to me, I went into remission.

I stopped talking.

I refused to talk to the teacher. My friends.

Even my parents.

I went home that day and my mum didn’t understand why I wasn’t talking to her. My dad got home from work and he didn’t understand why I wasn’t talking.

I had developed selective mutism.

My parents tried in a few ways to help me, one of which was to send me to a different Secondary School than the other kids. Most of the kids, after completing Primary School, went to one Secondary School. I went to a completely different one. It didn’t work though.

And by then, because the issue hadn’t be addressed properly, it evolved. As a pre-teen and eventually a teen in Secondary School, I had difficulty trying to express myself because of my selective mutism and in the end I found a new way to communicate; by whispering.

I had become The Girl Who Whispered.

Of course, this had it’s own issues. A lot of times people would assume I just had a bad throat and lost my voice – not that I corrected them. I had more children bullying me because I was now different. I had teachers trying to fix me. I had my parents and friends trick me into talking. I had issues with communicating still. Issues with grades. Social issues. And I developed a few bad habits from the social issues (avoidance for example).

My selective mutism didn’t really go away until I became a young adult, when I was about 17 years old when I left school and went to college. All the kids in the class were new, no one knew who I was (until I met one kid who was at my old Primary School, which I remember vividly, but I just hoped he didn’t remember me!)

But I finally had a voice. And some really bad social skills!

Meeting up with old friends, or bumping into those I went to school with was extremely awkward, but I eventually “grew out” of my selective mutism and started talking to them all properly.

A lot of my newer friends didn’t even know about my previous issues. It’s only until recently in the last few years that I started talking about it and opening up.

Also, my selective mutism not only gave me issues with social skills, but I also developed depression and anxiety. Most of my life has been difficult. Even now I get bad days. But the bad days are easier to deal with now, because I kept fighting. I learn to recognise when days got bad. Found healthier coping mechanisms. And grew emotionally.

The ironic thing is, when I was a child, if I got passionate about something you couldn’t shut me up about it (even as an adult). But when I had selective mutism, I lacked that basic need, to have a voice, to speak up for myself.

It still haunts me now, my past, what happened to me as a child. And I’m slowly getting over it, learning social skills, communicating properly, and finding ways to get over my weaknesses (social situations for example).

This is one of the reasons why I write. It’s a silent voice. Because when I was a child, not only did I love reading (as a form of escapism from the real-world I hated so much), but writing was my way of communicating easily. When computers became popular, I used to sit for hours on Instant Messenger, MySpace and Chat rooms, it was a way of being normal for a change – no one knew I didn’t talk properly. I would also write stories, build my own little universe to escape to.

I, one day, would also love to do something where I’m not sat behind a computer screen with written words. I actually love to sing and I have a huge interest in acting.

I remember the first time I actually got to “stand up” and sing to an audience, and although it isn’t as glamorous as it sounds, as I just stood on a tour bus in Brooklyn. But, my goodness, I will never forget that. And I’m so glad my friend got that picture (see below).

This is me singing on the tour bus. For more photos of me, scroll to the bottom of the post! 🙂

Acting is another thing I wouldn’t mind to do – although I’m realistic, I can’t see it really happening, everyone wants to be an actor! – because not only are you speaking out, saying your lines, but you’re also pretending to be someone else… something I wished a lot when I was a child. I wished so often to be anyone else but Alex. (Update: Since writing this blog post, however, I am planning a tour of America, for charity… and I will be filming it!)

Now, though, I embrace it. I embrace who I am and what I went through as a child. It made me who I am today. Okay, I still have a few quirks and flaws, but I hate to imagine who I would be now without it.

I may never have travelled to Australia. I may never have abseiled Forth Rail Bridge. I may never have walked across Sailsbury Plain. I may never have got my Bachelor’s Degree or my Master’s Degree. I may never have met all the interesting people over the years. I may never have flown a plane. I may never have fired that brown bess musket.

And, of course, I may never have become a writer and an author and I may never use my writing to help others.

I am Alex Damion.

And I am The Girl Who Whispered.

I use this designation to hopefully inspire people.

Keep fighting, guys! ❤

P.s. If you think you know someone who has selective mutism, please try encourage them to get professional help. Do not try to “shock” them into talking. Do not simply assume it “will go” that “it’s a phase”. If it’s lasting more than a few weeks or months, then it could develop into something more serious. Unless you are a professional who understands selective mutism, do not attempt to fix it! I wished my parents or teachers did more, they didn’t, and it got worse and had a negative impact on my life.

P.P.s The song I sang on the tour bus was “Innocent Eyes” by Delta Goodrem.